My vision for this project has been pretty clear, with the hammering out the details being the majority of the work. And, until the recent past couple of years, my eyes have been 20/20. But, as with all of us as we age, vision, or our pupils tend to wear out. Two years ago I bought my first pair of readers. Let me tell ya, that was an odd yet curious experience. I now know what it is like to look over my glasses at people. Hmm, that’s what those old people were experiencing. LOL… (yes that’s ‘laugh out loud’, ha ha)
Within the past couple days I’ve gone from worried for my life, literally, to feeling relief that I felt relief. Or, that I got relief from having headaches (with the potential for it, them) to advance into full grown migraines. What do I mean by that. The past few years I’ve been dealing with getting migraines on a more frequent basis, to the point of taking Excedrin Migraine, over the counter pain relief (actually, the knockoff brands) every day to stave off any potential threats.
Two days ago I could not begin to look through my glasses without feeling nerves in my head and eyes begin to ache, and even sting with pain. So, then I thought, what the heck am I going to do about working on this project?!
The headaches and migraines combined with the fact that my father died from cancer of the brain, has had me yes, worried for my life. And this project. I started asking myself what will I do if I do have the big C. For my father, he got a call from the doctor telling him he had 6 months to live. Yes, a prognosis of death in six months in a simple phone call. And yes, I was and still am filled with contempt for the behavior of a doctor to make such a phone call. Yet, it didn’t change the fact I was the first person called when he was once again divorced again, drinking again, and not going to work. And, I was the last person to leave the town of Amery, WI, after the house sold and I was once again free, and needing to move on with my life. That was in 1980, when my father was 55 year old.
This year I am 54 and fast approaching the same age my father was when he got that fatal diagnosis. As I remember it called “indifferential carcenoma”, although I may have not heard it correctly, since I was in my early 20’s and overwhelmed by the situation. Much like my previous 21 year in an alcoholic family system. I was just dutiful to my family, as I was taught.
Well, coming back to today, I’m still having trouble with my eyes going blurry when I use my glasses. I’m told I need to get used to wearing them. But, I do have relief from the headaches and migraine threat. That’s a big deal, huge even. Those of you who know what it’s like to have bad headaches and migraines know… and I mean KNOW the significance of that relief.
So, where does that put this project, since there’s still a lot to be done?
My first answer is “I’m leaving in God’s hands”, and yes that seems like a cop out, but no it really isn’t. I’m just the gumption behind this project that is much bigger than me. But, as soon as I can, I need to get the word out and begin finding others that understand and believe in this project as I do. At least one, if not 2-3, that can step in and continue this work. That means I need to keep writing about the vision, and the aspects that are not easily assumed.
It’s a balancing act of getting the work done so I can see it and help mold it into it’s intended shape, with the need for written documentation regarding the details.
Hopefully, even this blog piece will shed some light on the direction of this work.
David
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